To remind myself.

There is so much pain, incomprehensible pain, in the lives of many people around me. If it hurts me this much to even think about it, how much more horrible must it be for the people who are experiencing it.

I read somewhere that God gives grace and strength according to the need. That's how I can see people getting by while thinking I would fall - the pain is theirs, so the strength is theirs, while I, a bystander, go to pieces.

I don't understand. That's all there is to it. I don't understand and it drives me mad. If someone could explain it, give me a solid reason. I just want one good reason and I would be fine. But no one has been able to give me one.

Trust. That's what they always say. But how can I trust when I don't understand. "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things not seen." Perhaps that's the whole definition of trust - the lack of understanding.

I don't know. I just don't know.